Charesso means ‘well done’ in Korean.
Despite the uncertainty, we’ve had wins.
In this week's newsletter, I unpack three intertwined reflections that have been on my mind: the small, maddening obstacles that seem to test our patience daily, the undeniable role of uncertainty in shaping our lives, and the ways our chances at love and meaningful connection shift over time. I’m trying to find meaning in the randomness, to recognize where effort meets grace, and to keep an open heart toward what’s next.
Charesso
Do you know what I loathe most? Trying to do something meaningful for myself, only to be blocked by small, inconsequential disruptions—like my phone freezing or my network crashing at crucial moments. In those instances, I’m mentally screaming, “I’m trying, trying to make the best of what I have. Can you please just work?”
I read on X about someone who, after finally landing a job, lost it within two days due to a national grid failure that disrupted their performance. We know how hard it is to secure a job, to be singled out from the crowd, and then, for something outside your control to ruin it—well, it’s exhausting.
This cycle is tiring. I know some people out there have it easy—a few taps, and they’re done with tasks that I might struggle with for hours. I want that ease too.
I’ve never believed in the virtue of struggle. That cup of suffering? I’d rather it pass me by. This idea that there’s honor in hardship—what’s the value of that honor, really? Storytelling material? Empathy fuel? Why can’t our stories inspire others to dream big, to see a world of possibilities, instead of always being about “I’ve been through it, too.”
Yes, people have lows, but I think it’s partly because of where we’re from. We’re fed a single narrative: “suffer first, succeed later.” Meanwhile, millions elsewhere are living without struggle. They don’t know the anxiety of getting a visa. They haven’t faced power outages. As Klaus Mikaelson says, “There’s a world out there waiting for you. Great cities, art, music, beauty. And you can have it.”
I might have veered from my original thought, but this destination feels right. And as for the idea that “no one has excuses,” well, that could be toned down. “You’re in Nigeria, and you think you can’t have excuses?” How our very environment contributes minimally to our growth! This isn’t a message of discouragement; it’s just an honest observation. People have valid excuses and deserve the grace to express them.
This isn’t about encouraging idleness. I know so many who grind hard, who give their best. But life can be relentless. Repeated disappointments, rejections, and “we’re sorry” moments wear you down. This body tires, this spirit slows. And sometimes, this body dies before it hits the grave.
The first time I heard “Be Kind To Yourself” was from Jim Kwik in 2018. I remember sharing it with others. Today, it means even more—to look in the mirror, see all your flaws and imperfects, and still tell yourself: “You’re doing well. You have done well.”
Charesso
Zoom Out
Let’s zoom out, as if you’re having an out-of-body experience, viewing the universe from space. At the center is a black hole—uncertainty—pulling everything toward it. That’s how I see life.
There’s something larger than our finite lives. Something that decides whether you succeed or not. It’s possible for two people to put in the same effort, yet get different results. For one, it takes a year; for another, two or three.
In the equation of life, uncertainty is the variable we often overlook. Unlike physics, where gravity can sometimes be negligible, in life, uncertainty isn’t. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we feel it.
Then you begin to slowly realize that in the equation of life, we have always been negligible of a particular variable. And thought we could always go away it. Unlike physics where we deduce from the questions certain parameters and sometimes informed that gravity is negligible. In life, uncertainty isn't. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we feel it.
When uncertainty works in our favor, it’s beautiful. But what about when it doesn’t?
Recognizing it as a constant makes us value what we have—the opportunities we’ve landed, the people in our lives who add meaning.
I think of how changing my JAMB tutorial to a place where my “half-girlfriend” studied led me to meet someone who introduced me to a Christian teen group. Through that, I met people who are still family to me today. I call it a divine orchestration.
A desire to talk about Jesus on a larger scale led me to evolve my blog, create a WhatsApp TV for believers, and eventually form a Christian community. Through that, I’ve formed relationships that have lasted six years now (since 2018).
I need you to sit back and see how every possibility—everything that led to where you are—could have gone differently. Despite the uncertainty, we’ve had wins.
Our Chances of Finding Love Are Reducing
I resumed school two weeks ago, my final year, and here I am, still single. I used to tease my friends who were in their fourth year, “How can you be in 400 level and still be single?” And now I’m in the same shoes. No one has to tease me; I’ve done it to myself.
The other night, I went to refill my gas in a nearby street. I sat on a wooden bench, watching people—students chatting, bikes whizzing by. And a thought struck me.
It’s easier to meet someone in a large pool. Like bowling—more pins, more chances to knock one down. In a big setting like university, there’s an endless number of people to meet. In a room of thirty, you’re likely to find someone who catches your interest. It’s a probability thing.
Outside of school, though, that pool shrinks. If you had access to fifty people before, now it might be ten. And this applies not just to romantic partners, but friendships too. If you didn’t form bonds at university, it might be tougher outside.
For instance, if you rarely go out, your chances reduce. It finally makes sense why people say, “How do you expect to meet someone when you’re always indoors?”
But this isn’t about pressure. You don’t have to find your person in school, or even in a crowd. They might be anywhere—after school, at a new job, online, in a Slack group, or even knocking on your door.
Our generation has a theme: we haven’t met all the people who will love us, adore us, or cherish us yet. Your person might be in another country; your big opportunity might be waiting for you too. What you are seeking is also seeking you. Your chances are still high. Nothing is conclusive. There’s no finality until death.
And to be honest, even as I write this, I’m not certainly not going around looking for love just because I am in my final year. I will still be single. So no pressure, mate.
In the words of Young Jonn: “Fine fine loving I cannot do that, money matter ma lo ká mí lára.”
I'm not sure how you'll feel about this newsletter. It's somewhat open-ended—no specific conclusion, no series of steps to follow. Just thoughts. Almost unfiltered.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, too.
I'm delighted to see you write back.
Thank you for reading.
Charesso! Paiting!
Love, Boluwatifenishola