At What Point Do We Stop Erasing?
“Nobody is right for anyone. Actually, what makes somebody right is commitment.”
On Drawing
On that day, I didn't panic, which was quite unusual for me. However, the last time I was given a drawing assignment, I did panic. The task was to draw a flow chart depicting the process of how microorganisms are involved in the production of various products like Yoghurt, beer, locust beans, and Garri. Just the word "draw" had made it seem daunting and difficult. And to be fair, it was simple. Although I had more than a week to complete it, I procrastinated until the deadline was looming.
The following week, another drawing assignment awaited me, this time involving invertebrates that needed to be labeled. This terrified me even more. Drawing has never been my strong suit, and I've always felt inadequate in this area. So, I usually avoid it altogether and confidently tell others that it's not my forte.
To tackle the new assignment, I downloaded images of the required diagrams I was to replicate on a white paper. It was evident that I had no choice but to confront my fear. Initially, I had planned to seek help from my roommate, who is skilled in drawing, and I had even asked for his assistance the night before. However, that afternoon, I decided to give it a try myself. He encouraged me to practice on a separate sheet before attempting the final submission.
Surprisingly, my first attempt wasn't as terrible as I expected. Feeling encouraged, I proceeded to the actual sheet and managed to draw about 9 out of ten diagrams reasonably well (my roommate assisted in two). Even the ones I thought would be difficult, I took a shot at.
Throughout the process, I kept an eraser close at hand to correct any mistakes easily. Which led to a series of questions—
At what point do we stop erasing? When do we stop correcting every line and curve on the paper? When do we know that this is the best of our ability, currently, and allow it be? Rather than forcing things that do no yet exist in us to appear.
And when do we know it's okay to ask for help even though we are trying to build out capabilities? A helping hand is not always a bad thing. If it will provide support and leverage, so why not accept it?
The only thing that worried me was the possibility of submitting these drawings and not having them appreciated. This fear resonates with everyone; the fear of rejection. When we try something we wouldn't normally do, venture out of our comfort zone, and something makes us crawl back. up feeling. Rejection stings because we invested so much energy in stepping out, and and we didn't even get a single embrace. I understand. It's sad.
However, despite realizing, on submission day, that we were supposed to draw on separate pages and not on the back, the lecturer still acknowledged my effort and commended my drawings. That was comforting and reassuring.
On Love
Remember how I mentioned in my previous newsletter that I'm currently reading Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn? This book has made me question whether I ever knew what love is, as it pulled down my romantic fantasies and daydreams, revealing the naked reality of love.
I am not dismissing what I have known about love, but I have come to realize I was limited in my knowledge about love. And that's fine.
To you reading: what do you think love is? Just share an honest and raw perception you have of love.
I have come to understand that love is not some course you can claim to finish and believe there is nothing more you need to know about it. It's not some concept that you completely grasp even with ten years of marriage. It's an everyday learning that demands willingness to want to know. To know yourself and your lover.
It's when you think there is nothing more, the relationship can become stale. I believe love is eternal, and that should not scare us, because He, God, has placed eternity within our hearts. And we can all love like Him.
There's a particular part of the book that stood out to me. Natasha asked Philippa Perry, the author of "The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)," about the benefits of falling in love slowly.
Philippa responded: “What makes a satisfactory coupling is not thinking, he or she is right for me, from the start. Nobody is right for anyone. Actually, what makes somebody right is commitment. Then when you’re committed to each other and you have true dialogue, that means you allow the other to impact upon you and they allow you to impact on them. You’re not rigid and unchanging; you are moved by each other. It’s like two stones rubbing together until suddenly they fit. You have your initial years of sexual attraction and then something deeper can hook in. Rather than having a relationship with your fantasy of that person you begin to have a real relationship with them; you’ve impacted each other enough to actually know each other. And to know someone is to love them. So you make someone the right person and they make you the right person. There isn’t someone the right shape out there for every person – that has to happen in relationships. That’s why relationships get better, because we allow mutual impact.”
“Nobody is right for anyone. Actually, what makes somebody right is commitment.” This truth resonates deeply with me. Love is about choosing to be committed to someone.
I often take screenshots of meaningful lines, mostly from Instagram. There was one from the movie, Before We Go, featuring Chris Evans as Nick Vaughan and Alice Eve as Brooke Dalton.
A conversation ensued between them both—
Brooke Dalton : It's possible, isn't it? It's possible that you could meet somebody who's perfect for you even though you're committed to somebody else.
Nick Vaughan : No, no, see, I think if you're committed to somebody, you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else.
That conversation has become my guiding principle. While my heart might flutter easily, I remind myself that I love someone.
I don't entertain every butterfly that comes my way; if she's not the one, they can flutter away. Trust me, there will always be someone fascinating, someone who piques your interest, someone who appears heavenly with angelic beauty. However, you must remind yourself that your lover is incomparable, and you are undividedly devoted to them. You love them invariably. While some may choose to stand with whoever between the heavens and the earth, their world is all you have ever known.
Do not mind me. I love writing about love, but more than that, I love love itself, shamelessly, without reservation.
Line of The Week
And when it comes to love, time is your enemy. This is why we fear losing out on the ones we love. So tell people what you feel about them while you still can, and if you really want to. And if it's appropriate for you to tell them. We will not always find ourselves but when you do, try not to miss out on each other.
—Boluwatifenishola, To All The Girls I Haved Loved Before
PS There is a high chance I would not write to you in the month of August. Exams are coming up. But you might still find me on Twitter and Medium—I am likely to post a non-fiction there next Saturday.
I will be expecting your replies to my question: What you think love is. Just share an honest and raw perception you have of love.
Thank you.
You can comment or send it directly to my mail.
PPS I used to think I was the one mainly generating views to my newsletter publication, that's according to Substack also. But my previous newsletter, which I didn't share at all via my social media platforms, generated a large number of views in a short time. And currently, it's 90+ views.
It dawned on me that my subscribers, you, are the ones doing this. You actually check your mails and share. I am in awe. Thank you so much. Thank you for trusting my voice.
PPPS If you want a copy of Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn, send a mail.
With Love and Magic,
Boluwatifenishola
My thoughts on love, I think love is an emotion one might never be to fully express, people fall in love but they are sometimes scared to let themselves love totally, they hinder themselves from feeling what this love has to offer, love comes in different dimensions but it'll take the same form at the end of the day, love is a lot but let yourself feel.